How Sex Rituals Came Into My Life

I first realized I was doing sex rituals while I was high on psychedelics. In this state, I would tap into all of my senses and create the most gorgeous ambiances for myself. I would set aside a whole evening: prepare my bed, fruits & toys, light candles & incense, journal my intentions & desires, warm my lube, create a delicious playlist & turn off my phone. I’d dive into the drug, then dive into myself. My foreplay was hand kissing in the bath as foreplay and my aftercare was a long vaginal steam. I was essentially planning elaborate dates with myself.

A few years later, I had the privilege of attending Dion DeRossi’s Feeling Yourself worksop. It was during that workshop that I found the word ‘ritual’ to describe how I was interacting with myself during these intentional masturbation sessions.

To trace my history to ritual and ceremony, I need to rewind into my early teens. I was a ‘well-behaved’ catholic girl who spent a gigantic amount in church. I became a reader - and although I was too young to understand the full meaning of what I was reading to the congregation - I understood the depth of meaning, the order of events of prayer, and the pace at which to speak and move.

I’ve worked hard to unlearn the shame and repression I learned in that church, but my bones still remember the rhythm and flow of prayer & communion. For these memories, I am thankful.

As I grew out of my Catholicism, I grew into my sexuality. The knowings of how to embed meaning into actions brought me to this place of practicing sex rituals & sex magic. And I am now ready to guide folx into these experiences.

I also owe my gratitudes to Caritia, Dion DeRossi, Melissa Tofton, Amrita O’Hara & Majero Bouman for expanding my understanding of ritual through various body-based modalities. Each of these humans' particular teachings about embodiment, tempo, the elements, the directions, tantric kink, scene planning, movement, listening, leadership & energetics have been indispensable.

Today, ritual is the tool I use most often to move through intensity and stagnancy. It’s the tool I roll over with when my nervous system is in deep freeze. It’s the tool I yell and sob with when I’m in peak fight or flight. It’s the tool I flirt with when it’s time to nourish myself with delicious orgasms.

Ritual centers me, it releases from me, it manifests with me. Ritual is one of my lifelines. And I am so moved to share it soon with you.

Image by: Michelle Gutierrezfer

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